A new book by a Welsh counsellor and parent aims to help families across Wales understand why some children find going to school so difficult, at a time when persistent absence and the emotional wellbeing of pupils remain significant challenges for the country's education system.
In Behind the Behaviour – When School Feels Impossible: A Guide for Families and Professionals in Wales, Julie A Milner draws on her own experience of supporting a child through emotionally based school avoidance, alongside her work as a counsellor, to offer practical guidance to families who may feel isolated, exhausted or unsure where to turn for help.
Her message is that when a child struggles to attend school, the starting point should not simply be how to get them through the school gates, but understanding what is making attendance so difficult in the first place.
Milner says her decision to write the book was shaped by the experience of her own family and a desire to provide the guidance she felt was missing. By bringing together lived experience and professional knowledge, she hopes to help other families feel less alone and better equipped to navigate the support available in Wales.
The subject has particular relevance in Wales, where schools, local authorities and families are working to address the continuing effects of disrupted education, concerns about children's mental health and the complex reasons behind persistent absence.
Welsh Government figures for the 2024/25 academic year show that around 102,400 pupils in Wales — 27% of those covered by the statistics — missed at least 10% of their possible school sessions. Although this was an improvement on the previous year's figure of 30.4%, persistent absence remained substantially higher than before the Covid-19 pandemic.
The figures also highlight the challenge facing communities in North Wales. In Conwy, 3,415 of 12,336 pupils were persistently absent during 2024/25, equivalent to 27.7%.
These statistics cover all reasons for absence and do not show how many children were experiencing emotionally based school avoidance. However, they demonstrate the importance of understanding why some pupils struggle to attend rather than viewing attendance figures in isolation.
Emotionally based school avoidance, commonly known as EBSA, describes difficulties attending school associated with emotional distress. Anxiety, bullying or friendship problems, sensory pressures, unmet additional learning needs and difficulties coping with the school environment can all play a part. The reasons are individual, and what helps one child may not work for another.
For families, the consequences can be far-reaching. Parents may find themselves managing repeated episodes of distress before school, trying to balance employment with caring responsibilities and negotiating support from education services. Children can miss not only lessons but also friendships, activities and the sense of belonging that school can provide.
In Wales, the additional learning needs (ALN) system is intended to help children and young people who require additional support to learn. The Additional Learning Needs and Education Tribunal (Wales) Act 2018 introduced a framework designed to improve planning and provision, including through individualised support plans where appropriate.
However, identifying a child's needs and ensuring that suitable support is available in practice can be challenging. Families may need to work with teachers, additional learning needs co-ordinators, local authorities and health or counselling services to understand the reasons behind a child's distress and agree a way forward.
For schools, this can mean balancing the need to improve attendance with the importance of recognising individual circumstances. A child who is deeply anxious about attending may need a carefully planned, supportive approach rather than an immediate expectation that everything return to normal.
Milner's book explores what she describes as the four pillars behind school distress, alongside practical tools for home and school, real-life stories and reflections, and guidance on navigating support in Wales. It is aimed at parents and carers, teachers, additional learning needs co-ordinators, counsellors and other professionals working with children and families.
The book's central message is that behaviour should not automatically be treated as the whole problem. A child who becomes distressed at the prospect of school may be struggling to communicate something they cannot yet explain in words.
For families across Wales, including those in North Wales who may be trying to find their way through a complicated support system, that change in perspective could be an important starting point. Understanding the reasons behind school distress does not remove the challenges of attendance, but it may help families and professionals work together towards solutions that are more compassionate and sustainable.
Behind the Behaviour – When School Feels Impossible offers a perspective shaped by a parent's own experience, with the aim of helping other families feel better understood and giving professionals practical ways to look beyond the behaviour and consider what a child may need.